John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner
THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE
- don’t ever feel bad for asking me to tag a trigger
- i do not care what the trigger is
- i will tag it for you
- you have legitimate reasons to be triggered by it
- and i am not one to question those reasons
- so just send me an ask
- anonymous if you’re scared
- and i will tag it all the time in future
- your wellbeing is worth twenty extra seconds of my time at least
like every girl looks so good but only like 5% of boys do
EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE NOT CAT
YOU ARE STILL GOOD
WHEN HUMANS THINK YOU ARE GOOD THEY DO THIS
AND I THINK YOU ARE GOOD
(PET PET PET)
don’t blame women for the fact that someone they trusted betrayed them in such an intimate way
solidarity with my ladies
Rooster Teeth Meme: 1/4 Quotes
➛We were standing at the top of the stairs. I don’t know why he decided to say this, but he did. But he called me something. I don’t know what it was and at that point I was like “Well, ENJOY DEATH.” And I just shoved him down the stairs and he fell all the way down. He starts crying. I can hear my parents dropping things in the kitchen and coming. And I’m like “oh no, I’m going to get in trouble for pushing my brother down the stairs. However, I won’t get in trouble if we’re both injured.” So I threw myself down the stairs and pretended to be really hurt. (x)
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